Stop filling your own tool box.

Have you ever tried to do some project only to realize that you didn’t have the right tool for the job? 

If you said no then move closer to me so I can come visit when I hit this snag, clearly we need to be better friends. 

This week I really struggled in some areas and felt like I didn’t have the right tool/skills for the job. I have people I can ask for help with things in life but I struggled with the belief that I didn’t know what I was doing and that scared me. 

For a long time I thought that the crappy parenting I received as a child resulted in the deficit I felt, but I now think that everyone no matter how good they were raised feels they are lacking something and don’t feel fully equipped. 

On Friday of this last week I was listening to a podcast and the guest speaker said most men struggle with feeling satisfied in life because they don’t really understand who they are. If you're a follower of Jesus that identity has already been given we just need to take it up all you and I feel we lack is already there because of Jesus. 

My mind was blown. 

As I write this I'm still unpacking the implications of what that all means. 

But this is it. This is the key to the problem I’ve been having to feel equipped to do life. 

Here I am trying for years to get equipped trying to fill a tool box with enough skills to feel equiped to do life when all this time I am fully equiped, fully able to do whatever I need to do. 

What a revelation!

But now that I know what the heck do I do?

First It’s time to stop walking around like a kid with toy tools. 

Second it’s time to stop going to my old tool box that’s filled with whatever I could get my hands on and realize that I while I’ve been scrounging for years there has been a whole room with the right tools waiting for me to open the doors and explore the vast possibilities of what God has for me. 

In early January I called 2020 the year of victory. 2020 has felt like the year of defeat as all the paths I thought were mine to take were simultaneously blocked. 

What I really needed was those ways to be shown as dead ends and thank God they were one more good thing a global lockdown brought. 

This is the year of victory but the victory came because I finally believed the truth about who I was made to be. 

I’m Jason and this is... life as I see it. 

What I’m missing on the self improvement journey.

If you’ve seen anything in the last few years of mine on any social media platform or really talked to me I’ve been on a self improvement journey and it’s been wonderful I can’t thank the people who have been part of it enough.  

It started with 18 months of personal counseling and continued as I was introduced and brought earned a spot in a mentorship group with an emphasis of personal development. 

But really it started way before that for many many years I’ve sought to be a better version of me the best version even and I’ve grown so much I’ve moved way beyond the field I sprouted from I’m happy to announce I’m the best version of myself. Here’s the problem that’s not really what I’ve been going for. 

My personal faith demands I look beyond myself, look past the best version of myself at the best version of versions ever. I’m called to bear the image of Jesus. I know that sounds super religious and I don’t mean it to but for me if I keep trying to be a better me I’m focused inward and that’s not enough to really make a difference. 

Covid has taught me that most of us myself included are basically more interested in self preservation then global impact. 

Exhibit A: Toilet paper...  

Need I say more? 

This don’t touch lest someone infect you with the corona virus really goes against the very person Jesus was. He touched people with a massively contagious skin disease called leprosy and healed them but I’m afraid to shake your hand? 

I’m not getting political or going into a conspiracy theory I promise I’m just soul searching on my own motives with current events. 

I’ve been afraid to step out and make my mission bigger then me. 

Don’t get me wrong if you have things that need to be worked on with a mentor or counselor please do it there are lots of resources, but if we stop there we’re left with less then the best we’re left with a single digit impact and as one of my mentors says “one isn’t a big enough number.” 

This last week I listened to a virtual coach I like named Darren Hardy and he was talking about feeling like an imposter when your successful and like someone or everyone will suddenly realize your not as good as you are supposed to be. 

Well I think that’s happens because we are just living for number one. 

In early January I felt strongly, and I’ll call it as I see it, that Jesus spoke to me and said 

“Jason you have done the work of overcoming your past now it’s time to build your future” 

That resonated with me but not till recently did I realize that to build my future, the future I really want, I have to look beyond me. 

Make a mission for your life that doesn’t stop at you.

Make a mission that is so big that you can’t do it on your own. 

Maybe you feel like you need God to show up if it’s gonna work maybe you feel like others need to show up to make it work but if you alone can do it then it’s just not big enough to make a difference in other peoples lives. 

I’m Jason and this is life as I see it. 

What’s holding me back?

I’ve been reading through the Bible this year something that I haven’t done since I was a teen so that’s about... umm never mind it’s been a while. The crazy thing about reading that way is you don’t choose what you read, you read what comes next and that has a profound way of delivering a sometime unsolicited message day after day. 

I’ve been reading through 1 and 2 Kings these last 4 weeks and there is a theme I keep seeing. A lot of  kings did almost everything they needed to but they kept leaving these few high places or strongholds, other spots to worship any deity that may be around basically they wouldn’t fully submit their ego’s. 

Last week I felt like there were dry wells that I was seeking and this seems to be a similar thread, I think I need to hear something and maybe you do to. 

So what stronghold has a hold on you? 

Chances are the answer is staring you in the face I know it’s staring me down right now. 

Just so we’re clear I don’t have your answer but I think you like me know the first answer and saying it out loud will open the way to knowing the second answer... so I’ll go first. 

What high place has leverage over me? 

Shoot...I don’t want to say it now

Okay here goes...

Fear of not being good enough. 

Whew I said it. 

That fear, “the fear of not being good enough” has stopped me from so many things including continuing to write this blog. I’m writing this as if someone is reading it but no one may even see it but I don’t care but I’m sick and tired of “that fear” stopping me from writing because I’m assured of no one reading what I’m to afraid to write. 

I’m sick of “that fear” robbing me of life. 

Next question. 

What does it mean to be fully submitted? 

That’s pretty personal. 

Personal in the way that it’s tailor made for who and where you are at. 

The other personal to I guess. 

For me, today at least, it means I need to stop trying to outsmart my mentors with how much I know and start letting my shortcomings be seen and build up rather then sticking to the areas I’m doing good at and never growing past where I am now. 

That answer came surprisingly fast after saying the first one out loud. 

If you’ve read this far then it’s time to stop reading and start writing. Write down the two questions and answer them for yourself because nothing changes until you do. 

Here they are again what strongholds have hold on you? & What does it mean to be fully submitted?

I’m Jason and this is life as i see it. 

Joy... or something like it.

 I was listening to a song this week called “Fun” by Rend Collective. 

Best verse ever. 

“You are the fun in my life, you are the joy you are laughter inside and I want more.”

I don’t know if it’s this darn pandemic that has made communing so hard but I feel like I haven’t laughed in a while I really miss a good group of friends where the joy and laughter filled the space. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to have fun and be joyful. Maybe this pandemic has just forced me to look deeper as my regular routine has been shattered. 

I’ve asked myself lately where I’m recharging from. What’s the thing that’s grounding me I think it plays a big role in my life to how joyful I am. There are so many places so many empty wells that seem like real options. Jeremiah 2:13 seems to be talking to me directly right now I have abandoned the well of living water and dug my own. Heck I even pay a monthly subscription for some. I don’t know exactly what to do but I know that something needs to change if the joy that I’m looking for is going to come back into my life. 

My personal commitment is to spend more time in prayer and praise and more time investing in relationships and less time checking likes and the latest release on my phone. 

In the immortal words of the great philosopher Buddy the Elf.
“The best way to spend Christmas cheer is to sing a song for all to hear.” 

So sing a song, dance a jig, or laugh out loud. 

I don’t know if anyone who will read this feels the same way.

I hope this helps but either way...  

This is... life as I see it. 

What song is being sung over me?

The picture above is captured from a song by Urban Rescue The song is called “Song of my Father.” Listening to it lately got me thinking. What song am I singing over my kids what words I’m speaking over them, that led me to ask what I heard growing up from my dad and what I hear now from my Heavenly Father. I totally agree that there’s nothing louder then the song of my Father so what song am I listening to?

So many questions, where to start?

Let me start where it matters most. Right now. 

What song am I listening to as I go through the challenges of life as a man a husband, a father, a human being for that matter?

The song that I listen to is going to shape my choices and my future so I need to ask what song is it today, right now because there is nothing louder in my life. 

There have been so many songs sung over me the song growing in my home as a child is was super negative and I sang that song of inadequacy and failure to myself for many years and I needed to be rescued from that song by hearing another. 

I did hear a new song from a father who wasn’t mine by birth but who made me his spiritual son and sang his song over me a song of love, acceptance and forgiveness and can’t thank him enough for the years of singing to a broken boy a song of hope and healing a song that mended me and made me a man who could look at himself with pride. 

Maybe you need to remember that kind of song. 

There have been other fathers over the years who have sung songs that build me and songs that broke me but there has been a song that I have been searching for from my real father, the father of lights, the father of love, my father in heaven and I have struggled to hear that song clearly maybe because I was changing the song I was listening to from the songs that build me to those that broke me and missing the song that was my true song, the song of sonship. 

As a father I worry that the song I am singing over my kids won’t point the way to the song of their Heavenly Father. I think that fear keeps me from His song but 2020 is the year of victory for the me and my family so to answer my title question it’s the song of my father his melody of love his symphony of acceptance. 

Happy Father's Day dads and if the loudest sound is the song of your father make sure your listening to the father who’s song is love.