What’s holding me back?

I’ve been reading through the Bible this year something that I haven’t done since I was a teen so that’s about... umm never mind it’s been a while. The crazy thing about reading that way is you don’t choose what you read, you read what comes next and that has a profound way of delivering a sometime unsolicited message day after day. 

I’ve been reading through 1 and 2 Kings these last 4 weeks and there is a theme I keep seeing. A lot of  kings did almost everything they needed to but they kept leaving these few high places or strongholds, other spots to worship any deity that may be around basically they wouldn’t fully submit their ego’s. 

Last week I felt like there were dry wells that I was seeking and this seems to be a similar thread, I think I need to hear something and maybe you do to. 

So what stronghold has a hold on you? 

Chances are the answer is staring you in the face I know it’s staring me down right now. 

Just so we’re clear I don’t have your answer but I think you like me know the first answer and saying it out loud will open the way to knowing the second answer... so I’ll go first. 

What high place has leverage over me? 

Shoot...I don’t want to say it now

Okay here goes...

Fear of not being good enough. 

Whew I said it. 

That fear, “the fear of not being good enough” has stopped me from so many things including continuing to write this blog. I’m writing this as if someone is reading it but no one may even see it but I don’t care but I’m sick and tired of “that fear” stopping me from writing because I’m assured of no one reading what I’m to afraid to write. 

I’m sick of “that fear” robbing me of life. 

Next question. 

What does it mean to be fully submitted? 

That’s pretty personal. 

Personal in the way that it’s tailor made for who and where you are at. 

The other personal to I guess. 

For me, today at least, it means I need to stop trying to outsmart my mentors with how much I know and start letting my shortcomings be seen and build up rather then sticking to the areas I’m doing good at and never growing past where I am now. 

That answer came surprisingly fast after saying the first one out loud. 

If you’ve read this far then it’s time to stop reading and start writing. Write down the two questions and answer them for yourself because nothing changes until you do. 

Here they are again what strongholds have hold on you? & What does it mean to be fully submitted?

I’m Jason and this is life as i see it. 

Joy... or something like it.

 I was listening to a song this week called “Fun” by Rend Collective. 

Best verse ever. 

“You are the fun in my life, you are the joy you are laughter inside and I want more.”

I don’t know if it’s this darn pandemic that has made communing so hard but I feel like I haven’t laughed in a while I really miss a good group of friends where the joy and laughter filled the space. I feel like I’ve forgotten how to have fun and be joyful. Maybe this pandemic has just forced me to look deeper as my regular routine has been shattered. 

I’ve asked myself lately where I’m recharging from. What’s the thing that’s grounding me I think it plays a big role in my life to how joyful I am. There are so many places so many empty wells that seem like real options. Jeremiah 2:13 seems to be talking to me directly right now I have abandoned the well of living water and dug my own. Heck I even pay a monthly subscription for some. I don’t know exactly what to do but I know that something needs to change if the joy that I’m looking for is going to come back into my life. 

My personal commitment is to spend more time in prayer and praise and more time investing in relationships and less time checking likes and the latest release on my phone. 

In the immortal words of the great philosopher Buddy the Elf.
“The best way to spend Christmas cheer is to sing a song for all to hear.” 

So sing a song, dance a jig, or laugh out loud. 

I don’t know if anyone who will read this feels the same way.

I hope this helps but either way...  

This is... life as I see it. 

What song is being sung over me?

The picture above is captured from a song by Urban Rescue The song is called “Song of my Father.” Listening to it lately got me thinking. What song am I singing over my kids what words I’m speaking over them, that led me to ask what I heard growing up from my dad and what I hear now from my Heavenly Father. I totally agree that there’s nothing louder then the song of my Father so what song am I listening to?

So many questions, where to start?

Let me start where it matters most. Right now. 

What song am I listening to as I go through the challenges of life as a man a husband, a father, a human being for that matter?

The song that I listen to is going to shape my choices and my future so I need to ask what song is it today, right now because there is nothing louder in my life. 

There have been so many songs sung over me the song growing in my home as a child is was super negative and I sang that song of inadequacy and failure to myself for many years and I needed to be rescued from that song by hearing another. 

I did hear a new song from a father who wasn’t mine by birth but who made me his spiritual son and sang his song over me a song of love, acceptance and forgiveness and can’t thank him enough for the years of singing to a broken boy a song of hope and healing a song that mended me and made me a man who could look at himself with pride. 

Maybe you need to remember that kind of song. 

There have been other fathers over the years who have sung songs that build me and songs that broke me but there has been a song that I have been searching for from my real father, the father of lights, the father of love, my father in heaven and I have struggled to hear that song clearly maybe because I was changing the song I was listening to from the songs that build me to those that broke me and missing the song that was my true song, the song of sonship. 

As a father I worry that the song I am singing over my kids won’t point the way to the song of their Heavenly Father. I think that fear keeps me from His song but 2020 is the year of victory for the me and my family so to answer my title question it’s the song of my father his melody of love his symphony of acceptance. 

Happy Father's Day dads and if the loudest sound is the song of your father make sure your listening to the father who’s song is love. 

True Forgivness

So this is how the conversation went on my ride home on Monday six days before Easter. 

Me: so what are we going to talk about today?

Jesus: forgiveness specifically forgiving (Blank)

Me: your not going to talk to me about anything else until we deal with this are you? 

Jesus: nope 

Me: what am I supposed to do?

Jesus: forgive them. 

Me: fine, I forgive them. 

Jesus: now how about restoring that relationship?

Me: I didn't break the relationship why should I have to be the one to go out of my way to fix it? 

Jesus: well that's what I did. 

The story I have been mulling over all week leading up to Easter is from Matthew 18. 

The story goes as follows. 

A servant owes the king 10,000 talents which works out to be 150,000 years of wages. 

He can't pay it so he begs the king for mercy and time. 

The king decides to forgive the whole debt all $3,750,000,000 in today's economy. 

The forgiven servant goes out and spots a fellow servant who owes him about $7,000 in today's rate, rather then forgiving this other servant the forgiven servant sends him to prison. 

The king finds out and returns the debt to the first man who he had forgiven. 

Jesus sums the story up by saying that God will treat us the way the king treated the first man if we treat others with unforgiveness. 

The thing about forgiveness that I didn't realize when I started my conversation with Jesus on Monday is that I was forgiven before I was repentant. 

In Romans chapter 5 Paul lays out that while we were still enemies of God, Jesus sought restoration not because we were sorry but because he desires restoration and he wants it enough to die for it. 

This Easter ask yourself this: In light of all I have been forgiven is there is anyone who I need to forgive. 

Coffee church.

What is church?

The first definition from Merriam-Websters is "a building for public and especially Christian worship"

The Bible describes church as a gathering of Gods people in his name.
(Acts 2:42)
The function of the church gathering is to equip the saints for the work of God
(Eph 4:11-12)

Is how we function as the church in keeping with worldly standards or biblical ones?

I asked a friend who is having a hard time with coming to weekend services why he doesn't come oftain. His reason was that they are boreing. When he started talking about the group he is apart of that meets weekly and discusses Gods word together, prays and shares a meal he was passionate and he discribed his time as life changing and relevant.

Which defenition of church was he describing for positive impact?

This next model is not something I came up with on my own but read about.

How would you feel if on a Sunday morning you came to your regular weekend service to find not rows of chairs or pews but round tables with eight chairs in a horse shoe pattern facing the stage?
As the musicians came on the scene it was business as usual followed by a sermon that was shorter then usual and followed by, wait for it, a set of three questions on the overhead screen and 30 min of dissusion time.

Would you as a regular weekend service attender come back?

Would you bring a friend or co-worker who is unchurched?

As the church are we taking time to raise up people who are good sitters and listeners or are we raising up a people who know what God says and are doing it.

If church is about listening and watching for an hour and a half how can we expect Christians to know how to answer questions at work and at home about who God is and why he is relevant?

Equipping the saints isn't just about giving instruction it's about creating opportunity for hands on gift use.

Church is not supposed to be a spectator sport but it sure looks like it from the back of a service.

Is the model for church stuck in a two sense (listening and seeing) expression in 5 sense body?